In the not-too-distant past I was running an email by a friend who gently – and probably correctly – suggested I not make it complicated. I was in the process of taking his advice when circumstances changed, rendering the email moot. Life moved on.
But lately I’ve been returning to that advice. From recipes to relationships, I have overcomplicated things throughout my life. I sometimes cringe remembering attempts to smooth over or clarify things I should have just ignored. At times it was awkward; at others it only exacerbated a situation that may have gone otherwise unnoticed. In trying to prevent misunderstandings or hurt feelings, I only created others - like some weird time travel movie where you stop Trump from being born only to create a worse horror. (Although at the moment I’m hard pressed to think of a worse horror.)
Of course, many times - in addition to those other outcomes - nothing happened. And many times making it complicated was necessary for my own survival. I had to advocate for myself without appearing boastful; or tell a man I wasn’t interested without making him feel rejected. One of the reasons I’ve been thinking about that advice is because – generally speaking - I don’t think women have the luxury to not make things complicated.
In the midst of all of this, I received a one-word text from a male friend in answer to a question I had asked: “Yup.” That was it. And even though I know text is never an indication of tone, it left me a little cold. Was he mad at me? Did I do something wrong? I would have followed it up with more. “Yup. How have you been?” “Yup. Why? What’s going on?” “Yup, I’m sorry, I can’t be there then. Is there something else I can do?” I would have made it “complicated.” Because I can’t afford to send a text that leaves someone cold.
And as this had all been on my mind at the end of 2023, I was toying with the idea of breaking my rule about New Year’s Resolutions and actually making one: To not make things complicated in 2024. No explanations for things. No equivocating. No second guessing or gaming things out about how they may be perceived. In short, act more like a man.
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